funnysms
Sunday, 28 September 2014
funny jokes 2..
Sara din charging mein laga rehta hai,
Maa kasam landline wali feel aati hai!!
India just 1 attempt and that's a success.
No wonder we are the country with one of the highest population!!!
Rahul gandhi = Mein mars se chunav ladunga...
Priyanka Gandhi = We should change the name of mars to Rajiv Gandhi Lal Grah..
Anil ambani = my ipl team cricketers will be from MARS. i will name it after my wife's name
"MARS TINA HOTTERS".
Sonia Gandhi = Martians should be declared as Minorities...
Kejriwal = It is illegal step by Modi's government to conquer mars. Hum MARS par dharna karenge..
Geelani = We want Mars free from India...
Chidambaram = Mars is a Special Economic Zone area. It Should be given to Robert Vadra..
Akhilesh yadav = Mars par Uttar pradesh se jyaada balaatkaar hote hai. Hamar media naahi batavat hai..
And the best statement comes from pakistan
Pune Autowala: Haan, 900 crore lagega!
Me: Kyu? ISRO ne to 450 Cr me bheja..
Pune Autowala: Arey wahan se return nahi milta bhai..
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.there are 99 failed and deleted shots
Girl : awwww! ?? My jaanu So cute ! Kab li ? Kaha hai ? Baby meet me na.
Boy : Laptop pe, NFS me.
Girl : Haraami Saaley
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Khuda kasam..,,agli bar khane me baal aaya to...
Sajni se gajni banane se muje koi nai rokegaa...
Aur usne kaha-
mar Jaa
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fir
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( ._.)
<) )
_//fir kya??
Bezzati ho gayi....
tha....
usane kabhi mirror nahi dekha tha..
1din jungle me use shisha mila.
Usme khud ko dekh kr smjha k uske baap ki
tasvir h
aur. wo use apne ghar le gya or roz bate krne
lga.
Uski biwi ko shak hua,
1din jb uska pati bahar gya hua tha to usne
shisha bahar nikala
aur apni shakl dekh k boli :
"Accha..
To ye h wo Kal-muhi
jis se mera pati baaten krta hai"
Usne sheesha apni saas ko dikhaya,
To Saas boli :
"chinta mat kar ..
Shukar mana...
buddhi hai,
Jaldi mar jayegi
Wife Taaro Ko
Dekh Kar Boli:
'Wo Konsi
Cheez Hai,
Jo Tum
Roj Dekh
Sakte Ho,
Par Laa
Nahi Sakte..??
Husband::
Padosan.!!!
Up above the world so high,
We've made it in a single try!..
#Yaaaaaaayyyy !!
#Proud_To_Be_An_Indian
For the 1st time , someone has written something good for men also..... !!
========
Ⓜ Who is a MAN
A man is the most beautiful part of God's creation who starts compromising at a very tender age.
He sacrifices his chocolates for his sister.
He sacrifices his dreams for just a smile on his parents face.
He spends his entire pocket money on buyng gifts for the lady he loves just to see her smiling
He sacrifices his full youth for his wife & children by working late at night without any complain.
He builds their future by taking loans from banks & repaying them for lifetime.
He struggles a lot & still has to bear scolding from his mother, wife & boss.
His life finally ends up only by compromising for others' happiness.
If he goes out, then he's careless
If he stays at home, then he's a lazy
If he scolds children, then he's a monster
If he doesn't scold, then he's a irresponsible guy
If he stops wife from working, then he's an insecure guy
If he doesn't stops wife from workin, then he's somebody who lives on wife's earnings
If he listens to mom, then he's mama's boy
If he listens to wife, he's wife's slave
Respect every male in your life. U will never know what he has sacrificed 4U.
Worth sending to every man to make him smile & every woman to make her realize his worth!!
HAPPY MEN'S DAY"
Which never comes..
========
Ⓜ Who is a MAN
A man is the most beautiful part of God's creation who starts compromising at a very tender age.
He sacrifices his chocolates for his sister.
He sacrifices his dreams for just a smile on his parents face.
He spends his entire pocket money on buyng gifts for the lady he loves just to see her smiling
He sacrifices his full youth for his wife & children by working late at night without any complain.
He builds their future by taking loans from banks & repaying them for lifetime.
He struggles a lot & still has to bear scolding from his mother, wife & boss.
His life finally ends up only by compromising for others' happiness.
If he goes out, then he's careless
If he stays at home, then he's a lazy
If he scolds children, then he's a monster
If he doesn't scold, then he's a irresponsible guy
If he stops wife from working, then he's an insecure guy
If he doesn't stops wife from workin, then he's somebody who lives on wife's earnings
If he listens to mom, then he's mama's boy
If he listens to wife, he's wife's slave
Respect every male in your life. U will never know what he has sacrificed 4U.
Worth sending to every man to make him smile & every woman to make her realize his worth!!
HAPPY MEN'S DAY"
Which never comes..
2.Who said landline phones are out of fashion?
Buy a Samsung mobile,Sara din charging mein laga rehta hai,
Maa kasam landline wali feel aati hai!!
3.Russia 19 attempts,
USA 21 attemptIndia just 1 attempt and that's a success.
No wonder we are the country with one of the highest population!!!
4Reaction after india's succesful mars mission:-
Alia bhatt = Ab 'MARS' wali chocolate aur bhi sasti ho jayegi..Rahul gandhi = Mein mars se chunav ladunga...
Priyanka Gandhi = We should change the name of mars to Rajiv Gandhi Lal Grah..
Anil ambani = my ipl team cricketers will be from MARS. i will name it after my wife's name
"MARS TINA HOTTERS".
Sonia Gandhi = Martians should be declared as Minorities...
Kejriwal = It is illegal step by Modi's government to conquer mars. Hum MARS par dharna karenge..
Geelani = We want Mars free from India...
Chidambaram = Mars is a Special Economic Zone area. It Should be given to Robert Vadra..
Akhilesh yadav = Mars par Uttar pradesh se jyaada balaatkaar hote hai. Hamar media naahi batavat hai..
And the best statement comes from pakistan
Bilawal Bhutto = Hum Mars ka ek ek inch bharat se le lawange ....
5.Me: Bhaiya, Mangal (Mars) jaoge?
Pune Autowala: Haan, 900 crore lagega!
Me: Kyu? ISRO ne to 450 Cr me bheja..
Pune Autowala: Arey wahan se return nahi milta bhai..
6.Behind every successfull selfie.
..
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.there are 99 failed and deleted shots
7.In India.. on a bus stand...
at a book stall..
:
:
an american engineer
got heart
attack..
:
because..
:
:
:
:
he saw a book : "how
to become
an
engineer in 15 days"
worth rs. 15....
:
:
an american engineer
got heart
attack..
:
because..
:
:
:
:
he saw a book : "how
to become
an
engineer in 15 days"
worth rs. 15....
8.Girl : I want to breakup with you. You don't ever call me, you kutte kamina dont call me ever bye
Boy : Arre main busy tha, new Lamborghini Aventador liya maineGirl : awwww! ?? My jaanu So cute ! Kab li ? Kaha hai ? Baby meet me na.
Boy : Laptop pe, NFS me.
Girl : Haraami Saaley
9.Pati(patni se):- Hata lo..,apni chehre se ye julf ye
jaaneman
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Khuda kasam..,,agli bar khane me baal aaya to...
Sajni se gajni banane se muje koi nai rokegaa...
jaaneman
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Khuda kasam..,,agli bar khane me baal aaya to...
Sajni se gajni banane se muje koi nai rokegaa...
10.Pati(patni se):- Hata lo..,apni chehre se ye julf ye
jaaneman.
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. .
Khuda kasam..,,agli bar khane me baal aaya to...
Sajni se gajni banane se muje koi nai rokegaa...
11.Usko Na aaya Hamari wafa ka yakeen
Humne kaha hum mar JaayengeAur usne kaha-
mar Jaa
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fir
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.
( ._.)
<) )
_//fir kya??
Bezzati ho gayi....
11.bahut puraani baat hai....
Ek african apni family k sath jungle me hi rhtatha....
usane kabhi mirror nahi dekha tha..
1din jungle me use shisha mila.
Usme khud ko dekh kr smjha k uske baap ki
tasvir h
aur. wo use apne ghar le gya or roz bate krne
lga.
Uski biwi ko shak hua,
1din jb uska pati bahar gya hua tha to usne
shisha bahar nikala
aur apni shakl dekh k boli :
"Accha..
To ye h wo Kal-muhi
jis se mera pati baaten krta hai"
Usne sheesha apni saas ko dikhaya,
To Saas boli :
"chinta mat kar ..
Shukar mana...
buddhi hai,
Jaldi mar jayegi
12.Joke time...
Wife Taaro Ko
Dekh Kar Boli:
'Wo Konsi
Cheez Hai,
Jo Tum
Roj Dekh
Sakte Ho,
Par Laa
Nahi Sakte..??
Husband::
Padosan.!!!
13.Twinkle, twinkle, little stars,
World is envy; we're on mars!Up above the world so high,
We've made it in a single try!..
#Yaaaaaaayyyy !!
#Proud_To_Be_An_Indian
14.Not buying iphone 6,
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Because-
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it doesnt have pre installed 'snake' game
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Because-
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it doesnt have pre installed 'snake' game
15.Aajkal 9th-10th class ki bachi se
bhi poochlo
uska bhi brkup ho chuka hota h
Bolti h m broken heart
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Mujhe toh samjh nhi ata h
inke heart kaun
todta h
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Micky Mouse ya Donald
bhi poochlo
uska bhi brkup ho chuka hota h
Bolti h m broken heart
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Mujhe toh samjh nhi ata h
inke heart kaun
todta h
.
.
Micky Mouse ya Donald
16.Usko Na aaya Hamari wafa ka yakeen
Humne kaha hum mar Jaayenge
Aur usne kaha-
mar Jaa
.
.
.
.
.
fir
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
( ._.)
<) )
_//fir kya??
Bezzati ho gayi..
Humne kaha hum mar Jaayenge
Aur usne kaha-
mar Jaa
.
.
.
.
.
fir
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
( ._.)
<) )
_//fir kya??
Bezzati ho gayi..
17.Behind every successfull selfie.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.there are 99 failed and deleted shots
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.
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.there are 99 failed and deleted shots
18.Exam main fail honay pay dad ne sirf
itna kaha..
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...
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.♡
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.
big boss chate hain ki aap apna cell
phone aur
laptop hame de..
itna kaha..
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.
.
.
...
.
.♡
.
.
.
big boss chate hain ki aap apna cell
phone aur
laptop hame de..
19.Me: 3G ki speed nahi aa rahi hai
Call centre : Kaunsa handset use kar rahe hain aap?.
Me: Iphone 5
Call centre: Apple ka iphone?.
Me : Nahi Amrood ka
Call centre : Kaunsa handset use kar rahe hain aap?.
Me: Iphone 5
Call centre: Apple ka iphone?.
Me : Nahi Amrood ka
20.OMG! it really works...
Step 1 - hold ur breath!
Step 2 - Hold it for 29 min.
Step 3 - Die!!
Step 1 - hold ur breath!
Step 2 - Hold it for 29 min.
Step 3 - Die!!
Thursday, 10 November 2011
funny sms
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Teacher Student Jokes is a collection of funny school jokes, academic jokes and funny stuff about silly students and teachers. Some jokes are from the mouth of kids; their innocent questions and answers brings a smile while other are about students giving silly and stupid answers.
Funny Teacher Student JokeTeacher :What happened in 1809?
Student: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1819?
Student: Abraham Lincoln was ten years old.
Maths JokeA teacher asked student, What is the full form of Maths?
The student answered, 'Mentaly Affected Teachers Harrasing Students'
Hilarious Student and Teacher JokeTeacher asked, If I saw a man beating a dog and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
The student replied: BROTHERLY LOVE
Dumb Student JokeTeacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Pluto and Neptune. Everyone must attend it.
Sudent: Sorry my mom wouldnt let me go so far.
Funny JokeThe teacher asked, 'Give me an example of Coincidence?'
Student replied, My mom and dad got married on the same date.
Silly Teacher Student JokeTeacher: How old is your dad.
Student: He is as old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Student: Because he became a dad only after I was born.
Hilarious Teacher ComedyTeacher: Whats the meaning of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?
Student: Bamba'lakkadi Jimba.
Teacher: I dont understand anything you said.
Student: Same here.
Teacher Student Jokes The maths teacher asked Little Billy "If you have £20 and I ask you for £10 as a
loan, how many pounds would you still have?".
"Twenty" came the reply.
"How so?" enquired the teacher.
"Just because you ask me to loan you £10, it doesn't mean I am going to".
A schoolteacher sent a letter to all parents after day one of the new term which said “If you can promise that you will not believe all that your child says goes on at school, I will promise you that I won't believe all that your child says goes on at home".
A young boy was teaching mathematics to a young girl, saying that this was his good deed. He kissed her; he then kissed her again; he kissed her a third time adding "There, thats addition". She silently gave him the kisses back sweetly saying " So that will be
substraction?". They then kissed each other at the same time. Both smiled and said together " That's multiplication.” Just at that moment, the young girls father arrived. He kicked him for two blocks exclaiming "That's long division".
karthikeyan TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU
Submitted by karthikeyan on 23-Mar-2010
School Joke Teacher: Which is your native place?
Rahul: Maharashtra m'aam.
Teacher: Can you spell it?
Rahul: Actually my native place is goa.
Submitted by meenakshi on 15-Mar-2010
Exam Hall Joke sir : if any dought ask me
student : sir, in question paper question is there but in answer paper no answer is there
Submitted by Stalin Mumbai on 23-Feb-2010
Mathematics Teacher Student Joke Teacher: Suppose, I give you 2 dogs. Then I again give you 2 dogs. How many will you have?
Student: 5
Teacher: How?
Student: I have a dog in my house now.
Maths Mother Joke Teacher: Suppose, you have 2$. You asked your mother for one more. How many would you have then?
Student: 2$
Teacher: Why?
Student: Because my mother won’t give me any.
Maths Joke Teacher: If your father and mother both give you 50$, what you will get?
Student: A new video game.
Silly Student Teacher: Tell me a way to prevent a disease which is caused by biting insects.
Student: Don’t get bitten by them.
Ridiculous Joke Teacher: Suppose, you have a box which contains a 10 foot snake...
Student: But Sir, snakes don’t have feet.
Teacher Funny Comedy Student: I don’t think I deserve Zero in this answer paper.
Teacher: Agreed. You deserve -1.
College Joke Teacher: You are late today Mike.
Mike: Sir, I obeyed a sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Mike: COLLEGE AHEAD, DRIVE SLOW.
Student School Joke Teacher: You promised me to submit me a paragraph, right?
Student: Yes Sir.
Teacher: And I also promised that if you fail to submit it, I will punish you, right?
Student: Yes Sir, so it will be fair if you break your promise too.
Silly PJ Joke Teacher: I think you are chewing gum.
John: No Sir, I am John Smith.
Funny Teacher Joke After answering correct, the teacher said, 'Smith, tell me an important incident which never happened before within ten years'.
Smith: I answered correct today.
Funny Teacher Student Joke Teacher: Gwen, come here and point out Africa from this globe.
Gwen: here
Teacher: Correct! John, who discovered Africa?
Class: Gwen!!
Laugh Out Loud Joke Teacher: Suppose, you have offered money and knowledge. You have to take one of them. Which one you should choose?
Student: Money.
Teacher: I would have taken knowledge. But why do you take money?
Student: I have the lack of money that’s why. You have the lack of knowledge. That’s why
Laugh Out Loud Joke Teacher: Sir, why doctors wear a mask when they do an operation?
Student: For safety. If the patient dies, others can’t find out who did the operation.
Innocent Kid Student Joke A new student came to the class. After asking his name the teacher said,
'What does your father do?'
Student: Whatever Mom says.
Student Timing Joke Teacher: Suppose, you have 4 coins in your pocket and there is a hole in the pocket. All the four coins fall down from that hole. What will you have in your pocket?
Student: A hole.
Teacher Student PJ Math teacher: Tell me Jenny, if a milkman mixes 2 litres water and 1 liter milk, he will get 3 litres. What will happen if he mixes 6 litres of water and 3 litres milk?
Jenny: I am not a milkman, how can I solve it?
Teacher Student Joke Teacher is explaining to the student,
'if you see someone sinking in the water, you should pull his hair to save him from the water. It will be easy for you.'
Student: but sir, if it happens to you, we shouldn’t help you.
Teacher: why?
Student: because you don’t have any hair.
Comedy Joke Teacher: Robin, I always see that when I start teaching in the class, you always talk with your friends.
Robin: But Sir, I don’t talk when I sleep.
Funny Teacher Student Joke Teacher: Which one is closer, Sun or Australia?
Student: Sun
Teacher: Why?
Student: We can see the sun all the time, but can’t see Australia.
Teacher Student Exam Shop Ben got 100 out of 100 in the exam. So the teacher gave him a gift and said,
I hope you will do the same in the next exam.'
Ben: Thank you Sir. I hope you will also print the question paper from my uncle’s printing shop next time.
Innocent Student Joke Opening the book in the class, the teacher asked, 'So, where were we?'
Student: In this class, Sir.
Silly Student PJ Teacher: Why does sea water tastes like salt?
Student: Maybe a ship of salt sinked a long time ago.
Outspoken Student Joke Teacher: Ron, your handwriting is very bad. You will suffer in the future.
Ron: Don’t worry Sir. I will be a typist.
Funny Student Joke Teacher: Tell me an example of a creature which can live on water as well as the land.
Student: Frog.
Teacher: Another example.
Student: Another frog.
Clever Students Jon and Ron are brothers. Their teacher told them to write an essay about Dog. After checking the essays the teacher said,
'Why both the essays are the same?'
Ron: Sir, our pet dog is same.
Clever Student Joke Teacher: Tom! I know you are bad at spelling. That’s why I told you to write down this sentence 10 times. Why did you write only 4 times?
Tom: Sir, I am bad at math too.
Student Vs. Teacher Teacher :Eanda, naan paadam nadathum podhu, enna ketkama avan veliya poran?
Student:Sir! avanuku thukathula nadakura viyaathi iruku sir....!
HOD: ...?
Funny Student Joke Maths mis: A=B, B=C, So A=C.
Prove this method with example.
Student: Mis, I love u. U love ur daughter. So i love ur daughter,
Thats all mis
Funny Kid Kid: My teacher has gone crazy Mom.
Mother: Why do you think so?
Kid: Yesterday he said that 3 times 4 is 12. Today he is saying that 12 is 6 times 2.
Funny Student Student A: My teacher caned me for something I didnt do?
Student B: Thats so bad.
Student A: Well, I didnt do my homework.
Variety Jokes are those which don't fall in to any category or is a mixture of humor on various topics like lawyers, marriage and funny kis.Lady and the butcher Lady to butcher: Is that the biggest duck you have? The butcher not wanting to lose a customer because of this said: No ma'am, we have another bigger one. He went inside, took a pump and blew some air in the duck to make it look bigger. Then he gave it to the lady. The lady said: Good, I will have both of them.Two line jokes Airhostess to old man: Don't worry sir; there is nothing to be afraid of. Old man: Thanks, that relieves me; you know I haven't bought a ticket.
Why are fishermen successful in business? Because they make "net profits"
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards. Psychiatrist: Now you sit still on that chair and don't shuffle about.
Which book you cannot find in a library? Cheque-books.Short Humor Santa: Did you enjoy the boxing match> Banta: Yes, but it was so cold that even the boxers were wearing gloves.
Santa: Why aren't you using toothpaste? Banta: Because my tooth isn’t loose.
How does a pony that has caught a cold sound? A little hoarse
What flower do you get if you cross a dog with a certain vegetable? Collie-flowerThe millionaire husband Man 1: I became a millionaire after marriage. Man 2: Wow! Your wife has sure bought lots of luck to you. Man 1: Actually I was a billionaire before marriage.Rich Boy's nose cut A rich but spoilt boy fell in love with a girl and showered her with gifts though she didn't reciprocate his love. Once she was injured and he took her to the hospital, paid the bills and even gave some blood.
But the girl fell in love with someone else and when the boy found this out he shouted at her and asked her to give back all the gifts that he had given. The girl agreed and gave him back the gifts.
The boy by now was insanely angry and shouted: "Well, how about the other thing that I gave you. How are you going to give me back the blood?"
The girl replied nonchalantly: "In monthly installments."Lawyer and his client's wife Lawyer: Why do you want to divorce such a beautiful and lovely wife? Man: Look at my shoe, it is also beautiful but only the wearer knows how much it pinches.Funny Hippie Joke An obese hippie wanted to turn a new leaf and wanted to join the police force. But he was found overweight by ten pounds (more than what was required to join the police force). He ran to the nearest barber shop and had a haircut. Now he was weighing just 2 pounds more than the limit.
The police official in charge of the measurement said, "Look here son, whether you weigh 10 pounds more or 2 pounds more, rule is a rule. You have to weigh 2 more pounds lesser in order to become eligible for the police force recruitment".
The hippie said, "Don't worry about it sir. I am yet to have a bath!"The politician's Swiss bank account A politician had hoarded lots of money and wanted to stash it in a Swiss bank account. He went to Switzerland but didn't know how to proceed with the formalities of opening a secret bank account. He asked the hotel receptionist. Hotel receptionist: Why sir, my friend works in the Swiss Bank and would be able to open you the secret bank account.
He took him to his friend and the politician handed him a million dollars and asked him to open the account. The receptionist's friend gave him a piece of paper with the account number and told him: "Please guard this number and don't give it to anyone. Open it after you reach home and keep it secretive".
The politician opened the piece of paper after he reached home and it was written on it: Your account number is 1. Please recommend our bank to your friend’s sir!Hilarious Joke A lady complained to the builder of the house and told him that whenever a train passes by in the nearby station, the house shook and that day she almost feel off the bed. The builder thought that she was exaggerating things and went to her house to find out.
The train was due in a few minutes and she asked the builder to lie on the bed to experience it. Just then the door opened and her boxing husband entered the room to see a man on the bed.
He asked his wife: "What is the meaning of this? What is this man doing in the bed with you in the room?"
His wife told him: "Would you believe he is waiting for a train?"Santa Banta Santa became a police inspector and Banta paid him a visit. Banta asked: Who are the people in these photographs hanging on the wall? Santa: They are the most wanted and notorious criminals. Banta: Your police department is foolish. Why didn't you arrest them when taking the photo?Pride goes before a fall A tyrant ruler decided to put his photo on postage stamps. After a week he decided to check the sales and was pleased to know that they were selling many hundreds a day. The postmaster had a complaint though: They want the gum to be on the photograph side of the stamp because that's where they are spitting.The calling bell A man entered the house and said: "I have come here to repair the calling bell." Lady at the house: You have come very late. You should have come yesterday. Man: I did come and kept ringing the bell but no one answered.Wife on TV Man 1: You know what; my wife was on TV yesterday. Man 2: Wow, how did she get on TV? Man 1: Well, I think she climbed on the stool first.The world's oldest man A newspaper reporter went to interview the world's oldest man who was aged 125 years. In the course of the interview the reporter asked him, "What is your opinion about modern women?"
The old man replied, "I don't think I will be able to answer your question. I quit thinking about them a few months before".New Jokes Q: Why do brunettes look in the mirror with their eyes shut? A: To see the way they look while sleeping.
16 years old Peter goes to the priest: "Father, I came to confess!" "No need, I read your blog."
Claire sits down next to a stranger at a party and says to him: "OMG, you look like my third husband!" "How many times were you married?" asks the man. "Oh, I've only been married twice so far!"
Funny and Short “John!” “Yes sir.” “Bring me a glass of water.” “Okay sir.” “John” “Yes sir.” “Bring me another one please!” “Okay sir.” “John!” “Yes sir.” “Bring me another one!” “But sir, what are you doing with all this water?” “John, are you insane? Can’t you see the bookcase is on fire?”
“John, go outside and water the flowers!” “But sir, it’s raining outside!” “Get the umbrella with you!”
A footballer goes to the priest and asks him: “Father, can you please tell me if football is allowed in heaven?” “I’ll have to find that out. Come back tomorrow!” The next day: “Well, father?” “I have a good news and a bad news for you. The good news is football is allowed in heaven. The bad news is you have a game on Thursday.”The maniac in McD and other jokes On a beautiful summer afternoon a maniac enters a McDonalds restaurant and asks: “Which is the best menu of the day?” “BigMac!” says somebody seating at the table. “What about the motherboard?”
Why is it that only 10% of the human brain contains the executable code? It’s been discovered that the rest is made out of comments.
Samba: Why did Robin Hood loot from the rich people? Tamba: Because the poor people did not have any money to loot from. School Jokes bring back funny and fond memory of the school days as well as the good times in school with classmates, teachers and funny students. School Jokes is a collection of a few jokes about professors, schools, exams and angry teachers.
joke Maths Teacher; Dai 18kum 81kum ulla difference enna sollungada?
Student: Teacher. 18 na nalla vayasu ponnu. 81 na nalla vayasaana ponnunga teacher.
Teacher:?
Submitted by Jojobaibey on 13-Dec-2009Funny Student Teacher: 2 girls are dancing; Change this sentence into exclamatory sentence.
Student: WOW!!Silly Student School Joke Teacher: which vegetable makes your eyes water?
Student: Any vegetable.
Teacher: How?
Student: Just rub any vegetable in your eyes and see what happens.Exam Joke Two students are talking: Student 1: I have good news. The teacher said the exams will go on even if it rains or shines. Student 2: what is so great about it? Student 1: It’s snowing.School Joke John was absent yesterday so the teacher said, 'John, you missed school yesterday, right?'
John: Not much Sir. I was busy in the playground.Hilarious Student Joke A phone call came to a school.
Caller: My daughter can’t come to school today.
School Secretary: Alright, but what’s the relation between you and the student?
Caller: This is my mother speaking.Maths School Joke Teacher: You add 9 oranges to 4 oranges, what do you get? Student: A math problem.Computer School Joke Teacher: Spell the word CAT. Student: C, A, T enterFunny School Joke The teacher shouted angrily, 'If you think you are an idiot then stand up, now!'
After some moment, no one moved. Only a student said, 'Sir, you are the only one who is standing.'School Joke A teacher saw one of his students is sleeping in the class. He said to another student to wake him up.
Another student: Sir, you put him to sleep, so you better wake him up.Professor and Teacher Jokes The professor asks the student: “Can you tell me how much is an eight of a third?” “I can’t exactly tell, but it can’t be that much!”
A new teacher tries to teach psychology to children. She enters the classroom saying: “Whoever thinks he is stupid, please stand up!” After a few seconds a student stands up. The teacher addresses the little boy: “Why do you think you are stupid?” “I am not stupid, miss, but I felt weird because you were the only one standing!School Jokes “Children, what is wood used for?”, asks the teacher “They make trees out of it!”
A teacher tells the children: “Kids, today we will witness a full sun eclipse. Watch it closely” “What channel are they broadcasting it on?”
The teacher asks Jim: “Jimmy, why aren’t you writing?” “I don’t has a pencil” “Jimmy, that’s not a correct sentence. The correct way is: {I don’t have a pencil, he doesn’t have a pencil, we don’t have a pencil}” “Who stole all the pencils then?”Amusing Students Bring your father to school day came, and every kid brought his dad except Billy. After every dad had its speech, the teacher asks the kid: “Billy, what does your father do? Why is he not here?” “ He’s at an interview for a job at the FBI!” “Wow that’s great! What will his job be?” “I don’t know. When they took him last night they told my mother they’re bringing him in for questioning”
In the first day of school, the teacher wanted to see if kids know how to count to 14. When she gets to Jerry, the kid gets up and starts: “Well....1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10, ace, jack, queen, king”
The teacher writes on the table “2-2=” “Billy, could you tell me the result?” “Yes it’s easy, It’s a draw”Academic Grammar Teacher: Sam, can you tell me any 2 pronouns? Sam: Who, me? Teacher: Good answer Sam.
Question: What has legs but cannot walk? Answer: A table. Question: Which tables don't have legs? Answer: Multiplication Tables
Math Teacher: Can anyone tell me the number of sides in a rectangular box? Student: Two sides miss, inside and outside. Dad: Why have your marks gone down very low in this exam son? Son: Because they change my friend John to the next classroom.Amusing School Jokes Collection VIP: Sorry, I cannot attend your college annual day function. I have a sore throat and hence I cannot speak. Student Secretary: Don't worry sir, that's why we invited you.
English Teacher: Sam, form a sentence using the word aftermath. Sam: We feel sleepy aftermath class.
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